Am I good enough?

I’ve submitted a query and/manuscript to 2 different houses hoping I could get my novel published as soon as possible. I’ve been rejected by both. I felt so depressed all last week about it. The last one suggested that I use the first few chapters to grab the readers’ interest. I’ve been debating about either rewriting the fist few chapters or trying another publisher. All my friends and family members have given me so many words of wisdom. A co-worker said, “You’ve written a book. That’s something extraordinary. You should be proud.” A good friend said, “That’s the second time you’ve tried. If it was that easy, we’d all be published.” My son said, “Every time you’re rejected, you’ll learn something from it. It will result in you being a better writer.” I thought that was an amazing way to look at it and I’m surprised it came from my 19 year old son. I still felt like I wasn’t good enough and I worried that I may never be good enough. I’m used to falling and I’m used to getting up, brushing myself off and continuing on. I don’t give up…but this truly has brought me down. 6.5 years ago when I started writing the book I dated it for 2013. Somehow I knew it wouldn’t be finished until then. Maybe it’s just not finished yet. I’ve decided to continue writing the second book and I’ll slowly work on rewriting the first book. Maybe if I put it away for a little while then reread it in a few months it’ll be evident as to what to change, add and/reinvent.

First novel is finished

I finished writing my novel, ‘Forever Ends’ January 31st 2012. It’s been edited to death…however I get the feeling more changes will be made because of a publisher’s request. I’m now hunting for a publisher and I’m writing the second book, ‘Tomorrow’s Past.’ Originally Will was going to write the second book and Scott the third…plans have changed. I’m half way done writing the second book and I’m getting a lot of help, again from Will and Scott. There are two surprises at the end in all three books. The other books are based on the first book. Let’s see if I can catch a publisher’s interest. No matter what, I’ll continue to write…hopefully someday my writing will be good enough to be noticed.

Writing Again

I started writing again in May, last year and I’m almost finished the book. I can’t believe I’m so close to finishing a story that came to mind almost 6 years ago! Over the last 6 years I’ve had several transitions that made writing anything very difficult. My husband works at 3:30, just when my job is done so I couldn’t help but think, ‘I have plenty of time now, I should get busy again!’ I’ve been writing every chance I get ever since then. I, however, like writing with a pen and paper. The story seems to write itself and I just hold the pen; it doesn’t flow so easily when I’m typing it. I only have 9 chapters typed and I’m now writing the last chapter, chapter 16. Hopefully I’ll have the typing completed before May this year. Am I going to post it on this blog? Probably not…I’m going to try to get it published first. Oh and the boys are still helping me.

Forever Ends; is it a romance? Is it a mystery? Is it a Para-normal story? It’s all three and it’s all about breaking all the rules. Gabrielle Bowman’s a widow. Her and her two adult sons move to another part of the province. The house she bought is just perfect, just what she always wanted but there’s something not right about that house she’s living in now. A lot of scary things are happening in that house. Will they ever be able to live a normal life in this new house? Hopefully, with the help of friends and Gabrielle’s new neighbour, Ryan McKenna they’ll be able to make things right.

Driving with the Lights on

I’ve only had my driver’s license for a little more than 7 years. For so many years I had been afraid of driving. It had taken a very long time before I had any confidence in getting behind the wheel and actually operating a vehicle! I’m now, not a bad driver…but not really a great driver. I don’t drive well in the dark, I just can’t see well enough.
Recently, I was driving at night and I had noticed, all of a sudden, that I was driving better. I could see! It was amazing! All I could think about, while driving home was, ‘I must be getting used to driving at night. I must be getting better at driving. Wow! This is so great!’ I was impressed.
I got home. I still had a smile on my face…
Then I noticed I had left the interior light on. It was on the entire time I was driving.
I spent some time laughing at myself and my stupidity. I was grateful that I hadn’t been pulled over by the RCMP. I had imagined trying to tell the constable, “I didn’t realize I had left them on. No wonder I can see and drive so much better.” I don’t think that would’ve gone over so well…
So now, after I’ve done something really stupid I say, “I’m just driving with the lights on!” :)

The road I've travelled has at least led me to where I am now

On the long drive home, after our summer trip, just 3 hours from Thompson; I felt sad. I had remembered so many wasted years. So much had gone wrong. A lot of bad decisions. Decisions that I had made or were forced to make for one reason or another. So many regrets. How I wished I could do it over again. I had almost cried. Thinking of what a waste my life had been. Perhaps I was depressed because, originally, we were planning on moving…Now we were on our way home. Maybe I was just tired of being on the road. Not sure. I had looked over at my husband. My husband of 2 years and I started to understand that if my life hadn’t rolled out exactly the way it had I wouldn’t have met him. I wouldn’t be married to him. Right at that moment I felt grateful for my past. It wasn’t always that bad. Often I was in the right place at the right time and things had just worked out perfectly. Sometimes I felt I was pretty lucky.

Thank God everything worked out the way it did. Hopefully I will have more luck coming my way. My son, Will thinks Mike is our lucky charm. I think he’s my angel that dropped from heaven and landed right in front of me. I will never give back.

September 4th and 5th I went back to work at the museum. It’s been 2 months since I’ve worked there. It went well though. The following Wednesday, September 8th I went back to work at the school. I’ve had such a great summer. I didn’t want it to end. It’s been such a busy summer, as always. I hadn’t even achieved half of the work I had wished to accomplish. I think I plan and hope for way too much. Now I have so much to do between now and next summer. I won’t get it all done. I might as well face the facts and accept the truth. I bet the next 9 months or so will just fly by. Is that a good thing or bad? Someday I may want time to slow down. Someday. My disability is progressive. The only way I can slow it down is by working harder. Giving more. Learning more. Speeding up. I have to keep my brain active as well. So, to slow down some things I have to speed other things up.

Slippers that I had bought from my friend Tracy.

We drove by her in Dauphin...go figure!