Burnt Out?

Am I stressed, worried, or burnt out?  Or am I all three?  Or is it  just a combination of menopause and grieving?  Or again, everything combined? 

When I first moved here (Newfoundland) I had friends, or people I thought were my friends, use me for whatever they could get.  Those three people aren't in my life anymore.  Hallelujah!  I need to stop giving so much...I need to learn what to hold on to.  

I just looked up the symptoms and reasons for burnout.  Sounds like that's what I'm going through.  

Since November, I've been learning as much as I can...one class leads to another, then that class leads to another.  And there's learning in between the learning.  Lately.  I have been taking a break, but then that stresses me out because I'm not making an extra income.  

I don't owe anything on my overdraft, line of credit, credit cards, loans, mortgages, or anything.  I'm terrified that after this winter, that'll change, and then what?  

How do I continue to learn and not go overboard?  I've never been good at balancing things out.

Next week I'll go to the cabin.  That might help.  Most of October, Cyril will be working on the cabin, so Twiggs and I will be at the house on our own.  That'll give me time to balance...

Winter's coming.  I spend $3,000 a year for power with my house, and $5,000 for Will's.  I have a Heat Pump.  I need to get one for Will's.    Will needs a new refrigerator, or it needs to be fixed.  I need new windows and so does Will.  And I need a new door, and I need the house leveled.  The original contractor was a dipshit! So that needs to be redone before the rest of the house is completed.  I have new flooring, but it looks like shit because of that stupid dipshit!  The yards need serious work...

I've been debating on buying a new house and renting this one out.  

Again.  Money.  Learning.  Work.  Work.  Work.  

I've Lost Who I Am

I've lost who I used to be.  I've lost who I'm supposed to be.  I've lost so many.  I've lost so much,  I don't know where I belong.  I don't feel like I've ever belonged anywhere.  

A month ago, I lost my Facebook account.  My account had been Hacked, taken over, then disabled.  That was a hard loss to go through.  It felt like Facebook just deleted me...I guess that's exactly what they did.  I had lost so many friends.  Some friends I'll never get back because they're deceased, illiterate, or just not trusting those hackers.  I started a new account, but I don't have all my friends back, even a few of my closest...or people that I thought were close friends.  As far as really close friends go, I only have 2.  That's it.  

I have a lot to be grateful for, but there are still a lot of reasons to stop getting up in the morning.  

I'll continue to get up.  I don't have a choice.  I have Will to look after and a cat named Twiggs, she's an adorable Menace.  

Twiggs isn't entirely my cat.  She belongs to Cyril, the man I've been involved with for the last 2 years.  We've got a Quazie relationship going, but there's not much I can do about that...

I think I lost myself after Scott Died in 2015, and after George died in 2020, I really can't find myself now.  

I have a home.  Will has a new home. which he loves, but it's extra work and expense for me.  Will isn't capable of working a normal job.  Neither am I, for that matter.  Financially we're going to be okay, but I'd like to be doing better than just okay.  That's why I started learning about copywriting.

The copywriting has turned into internet marketing/affiliate marketing.  It just keeps turning into more learning, and more expenses.  I've reached the point where I can't spend any more.  

I was watching a video on Instagram that looked interesting.  he was talking about A Genie Script that he was offering for free.  He went on and on about how much it has helped a lot of people.  He kept saying how you couldn't find it on YouTube...At the end of the video he presented this entire program.  We could save $20 if we ordered it.  No more talk about the free script.  Well, of course I exited out of Instagram.  I checked out YouTube and found the Genie Script.  

"I am so grateful now that abundance comes to me easily and effortlessly, consistently on an every day basis."  This 20 word script (19 actually) is to be read out loud ever day.  It's supposed to help  people and their manifestation.  I'll give it a try.  

Can't Go Back

 
I know I can’t go back…

But going forward is so fucking scary! 

I’m still taking that email copywriting class.  I hope I can make some extra money by being a copywriter.  I do have an income because of George’s pension and investments, but a little bit extra to complete the renovations would be great.  I’d also like to market my novel and finish writing the next novel.  In a sense, it'll be a dream come true. 

Except for losing Scott and George my life is a dream come true.  Will’s living on his own, just up the street from me.  I have everything I've always wanted.  Almost.  I don’t have to work like I used to have to.  Sigh.  All because of George.  Will and I would have no doubt become homeless if it hadn’t been for George. 

Back to the class­­­­: The other week I had an assignment that I just loved.  Facebook this year has been encouraging Groups more than anything.  People can make money and/email lists from these groups.  I created a Facebook group. “Merging Opportunities.”  Facebook.com./group/mergingopportunities  

The group invites Writers, Readers, Editors, Illustrators, Reviewers, Publishers, Audio Recorders, and everyone involved in Literature.  To me it feels like a Game Changer.  In February I was planning to open up my own Social Media Platform, but then I started the class, 90n Days to Freedom.  I’m hoping this group will be a huge success, and I hope I can be a great Copywriter.    

Facebook deactivated my accounts mid-August, 2023 because Hackers took over my accounts.  Will I start another another writers' group?  Probably not...Will I start another group?  Maybe.  

P.S.  If you want more information about which Copywriting class I'm taking and which one's not to take. Trust me.  Email me at carol.hibbs555@outlook.com

Didn't survive 2020 after all...

 George has been gone for almost 4 months.  Scott's been gone for more than 5 years.  I can't believe I've lost them both.  After I lost Scott, I moved into a trailer in Dryden, ON, then shortly after that I moved to Tuktoyaktuk, NT.  It's been a crazy 5 years...actually, it's been a rough 20 years.  I've lost so many people.  
 2020 was a bad year.  I started writing again in January, for the 1st time in many years.  COVID 19 struck, then George was working from home until September.  Not a lot of writing happened while he was working from home.  We didn't travel to Newfoundland, because it wasn't an option.  In August, we went to Whitehorse, YT for a few days and did some shopping.  We spent 2 weeks in self isolation, in Inuvik before heading back to Tuk.  George went back to work in September.  He was happy to be working in the college again.  
 I spent most of December deciding what I wanted to do most in January.  I could continue to write.  I could learn more about knitting, crocheting, or sewing.  I could learn to play the violin that George bought me last Christmas.  I probably would have continued to write.  George and I were so happy we had survived 2020.  George wasn't feeling very well, but he wasn't showing any symptoms.  
 We were so busy just after Christmas, so we decided to cook a turkey and ham New Years day.  New Years Eve we put the ham in the slow cooker and thawed the turkey.  We also put on some beans in a smaller slow cooker, because George loved beans.  it was 12:08 pm, New Year's Eve, I looked at the clock and said, "We had a late breakfast, you don't want lunch yet, eh?"  George was eating pretzels.  "Lunch?" he said.  I smiled.  "I should've known better, of course you want lunch!  Do you want some leftover stew?"  "Good idea," he said.  George was fine.  Everything was fine until...it wasn't.  While I was warming up the stew, George started making a snoring sound, or what I thought was a snoring sound. (Will was in the washroom and he heard George say, "Oh," before he heard the snoring.  I didn't hear that.)  It seemed really odd that George just fell asleep on the couch while I was warming up his lunch.  I went to check on him.  His eyes were open and he was staring at the wall.  I sat down with him and put my hand on his leg.  I called his name.  I tried to get his attention.  He wasn't responding to me.  He continued to...snore.  I waited and kept trying to get his attention.  After some time he stopped breathing.  I didn't know what to do.  George weighed more than 300 lbs.  I didn't think I'd be able to do CPR with him sitting on the couch, but I didn't know how to get him on the floor.
 He started breathing again.  I thought, 'Good, that's something.  Maybe he'll be okay.'  Then he started snoring again.  There are no paramedics in Tuk.  He continued to snore and stare at the wall.  I still couldn't get any reaction from him.  He stopped Breathing again. 
 I phoned the RCMP and it only took them minutes to get to our place, but I think George was gone before they got here.  It took them a bit to get him on to the floor.  The did everything they could to revive him.  After some time they rolled him on to a stretcher, but they couldn't lift him.  The constables, Sean and Matt, had to drag him, and that stretcher out of the house.  A fire fighter helped them get George in the pan of the truck.  It was -55 outside and all George was wearing was shorts.  He lost his slippers on the way out of the house.  They took George to the Health Centre.  By the time I got there, Sean told me there was nothing they could do.  George was gone. 
 I went to see him.  He was still warm, but his ears were blue.  I spent a bit of time with him.  When I was about to leave, I noticed that the nurses had taken off his socks.  His feet were out of the blankets.  I know it was strange, but I covered up his feet...I hadn't wanted his feet to get cold.  It didn't make any sense, and I knew it didn't, but I covered up his feet anyway. 
 After a few days (in their morgue) George was driven to Inuvik, then flown to Edmonton, cremated, then mailed to Gander, NL.  George's cremains will be buried in Badger, NL this summer.  My son, Will, and I will be moving to Newfoundland hopefully this summer and living there.
 I still can't believe he's gone.  I don't know how I'm going to function without him.  I will do the best I can.  I will try to make a life for myself and Will in Badger. I will always miss you, George.  I'm grateful for the time we did have together, but I want more...
 People in Tuk told me that the snoring was a death rattle...I guess I should've known, because Scott had made the same sounds before he passed away.  The coroner told me George's heart just stopped.  George had sleep apnea, diabetes, and a bad heart.  She said that was a recipe for disaster.  I wish I had known what to do.  I wish I could have saved him.  Yeah, I still wish I could have saved Scott, too.  They both will be loved and missed forever.   

 

 

Obituary

George Hibbs, 52, of Badger, Newfoundland unexpectedly passed away from heart failure, December 31, 2020, in Tuktoyaktuk, Northwest Territories.  George was born in Grandfalls Windsor, Newfoundland, son of Samuel and Veronica Hibbs. 

George was predeceased by his parents, Samuel and Veronica, his brother, John Hibbs, and his step-son, Scott Flight. 

He is survived by his wife, Carol Hibbs, his step-son, William Flight, his brothers, Joseph Hibbs (Judy) and Vincent Hibbs (Carole.)

George and Carol Married in 2018, in Grandfalls Windsor, Newfoundland.  They had been living in Tuktoyaktuk, Northwest Territories since 2016.  George was the Adult Educator at Aurora College in Tuktoyaktuk and in other communities in the Beaufort-Delta and Sahtu region of The Northwest Territories.  George taught English, Math, Human Resources, and Computer Skills.  George also taught Firearm Safety Courses for the RCMP.  Education was always very important to George, for himself and for his students. 

Over the years, George enjoyed reading, writing, hiking, hunting, fishing, Karate, Skidoo, and quad riding.  He enjoyed traveling, camping, cooking, and baking with his wife, Carol. 

His sparkling wit, his willingness to help, his ability to shine light on almost anyone’s dilemma will be missed by friends, family, and co-workers.  He was a guiding light for his wife, Carol, and anyone who knew him.   

In accordance with George’s wishes, he was cremated in Edmonton, and his cremains will be buried in Badger, Newfoundland this summer.  George’s memorial will be scheduled later. 

Living in Tuktoyaktuk, Northwest Territories.

It’s been almost 3 years since we’ve lived in Tuktoyaktuk.  If you’re hoping to pack up and move to Tuk and start a new life, you might want to think hard on that dream.  Is life hard here?  Yes.  Unless you find a good paying job and you move into a new house, it’s not going to be easy.  The cost of living is three time more than anywhere else.  Is getting a job here easy?  No, unless you’re highly educated, or you have some Inuit background.  Mostly in Tuk, they hire people who are Inuvialuit.  Even if you have found a good paying job, you’re going to have a hard time finding a decent place to live.  People here who are renting out houses mostly ignore outsiders with their inquires.  I think it’s because their fed up with people who come here only for 6 months to 1 year and then leave.  The only people who’ll respond to your search for residence are the people who are renting out crappy, cold houses, and it won’t be cheap.  If you have a government job, you may be able to rent from Tuk housing, but no one will tell you about it until after you’ve suffered through a inhumane winter in Tuk.  Once you manage to move to a nice, new, warm house, it’ll be cheaper to live, easier, but the size of it won’t be preferable.  Hopefully you don’t have a big family. 

Fun and entertainment:  There isn’t much, unless you’re really into winter sports, drinking and partying…

Shopping: There’s two stores here and a little bit more shopping in Inuvik.  It’s a 2-hour drive to Inuvik, depending on the weather, which can change on a dime.  The road gets closed often.  Good thing there’s a highway to Inuvik now though.  Before it was a 3 -hour drive down an ice road, which was unpredictable and only open from maybe December to mid or end of April.  Again, storms could brew up quickly.  

Inuvik Tuktoyaktuk Highway

Oh, and you can’t buy alcohol here.  There aren’t any restaurants here.  There are B and Bs here.  Cable isn’t an easy option.  There’s internet, but it’s costly.  There’s an airport here, but because of the highway that was created at the end of 2017, there aren’t any scheduled flights anymore.  There isn’t a pharmacy here, but you can have the pharmacy fill your prescription at one of the pharmacies in Inuvik and they send it to you through medical bus.  There are no doctors, dentists, eye doctors here, but they come to visit once a month.  There is a Health Centre with nurses.  There are taxis here, but they charge per person and if you have luggage…they’ll charge you extra for that. 
Summers here are inhumane.  Way too many bugs.  We don’t spend the summers here, but my son does.  He says the bugs are vicious.  However, there aren’t any ants!  Ants are everywhere, but not in the Arctic or Antarctica. 

3 times a week the garbage is picked up.  Recycling is also picked up on occasions. 

The septic truck comes either everyday or 3 time a week to empty your septic tank. 

Water is delivered everyday or 3 times a week.  The water is clean, it smells and tastes good…but it gives me heartburn.  People in Tuk usually don’t drink the water here.  I boil my water, then let it cool, before I drink 

Fuel is delivered for heat once a month. 

There is a school bus for students who live far from the school. 
It is peaceful here, except for occasional snow mobile at 4:30 in the morning.  I am happy here, or as happy as I can be.  At least we get to visit civilization once in a while.  We’re planning on spending another 9 years here.

People here are friendly and helpful…but I wouldn’t leave your door unlocked. 

And in case you weren't sure, we don't have any trees here, but a lot of drift wood finds its way to the beaches.  

Cherry Fruit Cake Recipe: http://www.genieinafilebox.com/cherry_fruit_cake.html