Ritter

November 22, 2023 I adopted a kitten for Will.  He was the last of two kittens to be adopted.  I was tempted to get both kittens, but I thought it would be harder for Will to get around them when they were playing and running around.  Will desperately wanted a kitten.  He also is certain he'll die this year.  I got him the kitten in hopes that Ritter will save Will.  he'll give Will a reason to stay alive.  Am I being selfish?  Perhaps.  I don't want to lose Will.  I fell in love with Ritter on the ride home home.  Will fell in love with him right away.  Will named him Ritter, it means night in German.  He's an adorable kitty that was born September 15, of 2023.  

  

Burnt Out?

Am I stressed, worried, or burnt out?  Or am I all three?  Or is it  just a combination of menopause and grieving?  Or again, everything combined? 

When I first moved here (Newfoundland) I had friends, or people I thought were my friends, use me for whatever they could get.  Those three people aren't in my life anymore.  Hallelujah!  I need to stop giving so much...I need to learn what to hold on to.  

I just looked up the symptoms and reasons for burnout.  Sounds like that's what I'm going through.  

Since November, I've been learning as much as I can...one class leads to another, then that class leads to another.  And there's learning in between the learning.  Lately.  I have been taking a break, but then that stresses me out because I'm not making an extra income.  

I don't owe anything on my overdraft, line of credit, credit cards, loans, mortgages, or anything.  I'm terrified that after this winter, that'll change, and then what?  

How do I continue to learn and not go overboard?  I've never been good at balancing things out.

Next week I'll go to the cabin.  That might help.  Most of October, Cyril will be working on the cabin, so Twiggs and I will be at the house on our own.  That'll give me time to balance...

Winter's coming.  I spend $3,000 a year for power with my house, and $5,000 for Will's.  I have a Heat Pump.  I need to get one for Will's.    Will needs a new refrigerator, or it needs to be fixed.  I need new windows and so does Will.  And I need a new door, and I need the house leveled.  The original contractor was a dipshit! So that needs to be redone before the rest of the house is completed.  I have new flooring, but it looks like shit because of that stupid dipshit!  The yards need serious work...

I've been debating on buying a new house and renting this one out.  

Again.  Money.  Learning.  Work.  Work.  Work.  

I've Lost Who I Am

I've lost who I used to be.  I've lost who I'm supposed to be.  I've lost so many.  I've lost so much,  I don't know where I belong.  I don't feel like I've ever belonged anywhere.  

A month ago, I lost my Facebook account.  My account had been Hacked, taken over, then disabled.  That was a hard loss to go through.  It felt like Facebook just deleted me...I guess that's exactly what they did.  I had lost so many friends.  Some friends I'll never get back because they're deceased, illiterate, or just not trusting those hackers.  I started a new account, but I don't have all my friends back, even a few of my closest...or people that I thought were close friends.  As far as really close friends go, I only have 2.  That's it.  

I have a lot to be grateful for, but there are still a lot of reasons to stop getting up in the morning.  

I'll continue to get up.  I don't have a choice.  I have Will to look after and a cat named Twiggs, she's an adorable Menace.  

Twiggs isn't entirely my cat.  She belongs to Cyril, the man I've been involved with for the last 2 years.  We've got a Quazie relationship going, but there's not much I can do about that...

I think I lost myself after Scott Died in 2015, and after George died in 2020, I really can't find myself now.  

I have a home.  Will has a new home. which he loves, but it's extra work and expense for me.  Will isn't capable of working a normal job.  Neither am I, for that matter.  Financially we're going to be okay, but I'd like to be doing better than just okay.  That's why I started learning about copywriting.

The copywriting has turned into internet marketing/affiliate marketing.  It just keeps turning into more learning, and more expenses.  I've reached the point where I can't spend any more.  

I was watching a video on Instagram that looked interesting.  he was talking about A Genie Script that he was offering for free.  He went on and on about how much it has helped a lot of people.  He kept saying how you couldn't find it on YouTube...At the end of the video he presented this entire program.  We could save $20 if we ordered it.  No more talk about the free script.  Well, of course I exited out of Instagram.  I checked out YouTube and found the Genie Script.  

"I am so grateful now that abundance comes to me easily and effortlessly, consistently on an every day basis."  This 20 word script (19 actually) is to be read out loud ever day.  It's supposed to help  people and their manifestation.  I'll give it a try.  

Can't Go Back

 
I know I can’t go back…

But going forward is so fucking scary! 

I’m still taking that email copywriting class.  I hope I can make some extra money by being a copywriter.  I do have an income because of George’s pension and investments, but a little bit extra to complete the renovations would be great.  I’d also like to market my novel and finish writing the next novel.  In a sense, it'll be a dream come true. 

Except for losing Scott and George my life is a dream come true.  Will’s living on his own, just up the street from me.  I have everything I've always wanted.  Almost.  I don’t have to work like I used to have to.  Sigh.  All because of George.  Will and I would have no doubt become homeless if it hadn’t been for George. 

Back to the class­­­­: The other week I had an assignment that I just loved.  Facebook this year has been encouraging Groups more than anything.  People can make money and/email lists from these groups.  I created a Facebook group. “Merging Opportunities.”  Facebook.com./group/mergingopportunities  

The group invites Writers, Readers, Editors, Illustrators, Reviewers, Publishers, Audio Recorders, and everyone involved in Literature.  To me it feels like a Game Changer.  In February I was planning to open up my own Social Media Platform, but then I started the class, 90n Days to Freedom.  I’m hoping this group will be a huge success, and I hope I can be a great Copywriter.    

Facebook deactivated my accounts mid-August, 2023 because Hackers took over my accounts.  Will I start another another writers' group?  Probably not...Will I start another group?  Maybe.  

P.S.  If you want more information about which Copywriting class I'm taking and which one's not to take. Trust me.  Email me at carol.hibbs555@outlook.com